Boundaries in Marriage by Henry Cloud and John Townsend
I bought this book in an attempt to put my marriage with Chris on the defense. You know, in case things start to get ugly (or, something). I, personally, have always struggled with boundaries - overbooking myself, taking on the responsibilities of others, never ever saying "no". I expected this book to do two things: 1. Remind me of my weaknesses and the ways I should be aware of/try and fix them, and 2. Shed light on any problems/bad habits (if there are any) that Chris and I are creating.
So, here I go. I'm ready to read and be enlightened. Books (at, least the ones I read) have a tendency to surface even the tiniest of weaknesses - even the ones I didn't know I had. So, imagine my surprise when, as I read my book (mind you, I'm only 40 pages in), I start to realize how good I have it.
The two men writing this book are explaining marriages in terrible heartache, tragedies and resentment. These marriages, however, all had one thing in common: A lack of boundaries. The couples couldn't communicate, they blamed their spouse for their own actions, one became controlling, the other tried to fill her inadequacies as a person with her husband. All of these couples took a wrong turn somewhere. That, or they never were on the right road to begin with.
"When two people are free to disagree, they are free to love. When they are not free, they live in fear and love dies."
This quote is talking about the mistake couples perpetually make - the "I'm right or ELSE!" syndrome. The "or ELSE" part is where the problem begins. The "or ELSE" means "there are consequences if I don't get my way". Unfortunately, the dominating personality always wins that battle.And, the destructive mentality sticks once it succeeds in an argument. As humans, we're selfish in nature. But, as spouses we're commanded to be loving, kind and considerate. So, where's the hang up? Where does the disconnect start?
"We must be free to say no before we can wholeheartedly say yes."
After reading this section of the book, I came to an exhilarating conclusion: We don't live in this fear. As individuals, Chris and I are free to express ourselves, our concerns, dissatisfactions, hopes, emotions, and ambitions to one another - EVEN when we don't agree. The fear of one another does not live here. We're on the right road. But, that doesn't mean that we won't take a wrong turn. So, even thought I can't completely relate to the first part of this book (the third part looks like a doosy: "Resolving Conflict in Marriage - Three's a Crowd"), I'm going to make myself aware. I'm not gonna mess this up.
